Let's give ourselves a break...we sure deserve it.
If you haven't hit a breaking point of any sort in the past 12 months, please – let me in on your secrets, strategies and survival tips. But I'd be willing to guess that you may be able to recall your own breaking point in the last 12 months (heck, 12 days).
One of mine came last week. And in the spirit of being vulnerable and human – I really let my husband have it. Primarily because I failed to set proper expectations around a specific situation (pro-tip: unrealistic expectations are nothing more than premeditated resentments). Now remember, I coach families how to walk alongside their loved ones when struggling with tough situations. I teach communication skills and techniques that are rooted in empathetic listening. I encourage people to find ways to "practice the pause" when they are feeling irritated, and suggest that a good strategy can involve walking away in the midst of rising tensions.
Oh, but I did NOT walk away. I put on my battle armor, summoned up the ire of Gal Gadot in 'Wonder Woman' and marched onward into the fire (of my own anger). I had to have that last word. Now I love my husband dearly and I like to think we get it right 95% of the time. But this was not one of my finer moments related to partner communication.
Breaking points in our relationships are natural, and poignant reminders that we are human. When they happen, it's as if something in us fractures, splits or ceases functioning. But they are important signals; shout-outs from the universe that we need to turn inward and address those pieces and parts of us that need restoration and deeper work. It may take the form of learning, coaching, therapy, growth or accountability. It also means we practice self-compassion (giving ourselves that break).
"Whatever it is that people find that they want to work on, they also have to remember that they are human beings and they need to save some time for themselves for personal growth, for mental health, for their families, their loved ones so that they will have the strength to continue doing that work."
—Ana Castillo, Chicana/Maya, writer, poet
Finally, breaking points are unique to who we are and who we love. Experiencing our own breaking points can be painful, but when we experience the breaking points of those we love, sometimes these are the most agonizing of all. We are wracked with worry, and fearful of outcomes because we often lack control of the situation.
If you love someone struggling with a mental health disorder or an addiction, these breaking points may feel all too common. Are you finding the time to care for yourself? Do you know what self-compassion looks like for you? Understanding what it takes to work our way through these breaking points is crucial to our own well-being, and the restoration of our relationships. If you need help on that front or want to chat more about it, I'd love to help.