Practice doesn't make perfect but it does make permanent.
I recently came back to a daily yoga ritual. While my body felt a little creaky and stiff at first, I'm gradually getting back to a regular practice. And a practice it is. There are so many variables to yoga – the poses, the breathing techniques and perhaps the most challenging of all, staying present in the moment. As my instructor guides us through mindful breathing, encouraging us to "just be", my mind is already racing toward what I need to make for dinner, the three emails I still haven't sent out and the new neighbor I haven't properly welcomed to the neighborhood yet. Staying present and in the moment is what takes practice for me.
"This isn't yoga perfect," my instructor calmly reminded us, "it's yoga practice." When we push ourselves to acquire or finetune a new skill, we need to spend time, focus, patience and practice on making forward progress. I like to say that practice doesn't make perfect, but practice makes permanent.
“If you want to be great, then you need to be willing to learn!”
– Ted Lasso
One area that we can all use practice on is in our daily communications. Healthy communication takes work, even in the best relationships. Once you add in any sort of disagreement, or difficult situation, the work becomes more challenging. It requires knowing how and when to use positive communication skills, or what setting a healthy boundary looks like. It requires calling upon your own practices of self-compassion, self-regulation and self-care to stay grounded and willing to do the work in order to make that change you want to see.
Ted Lasso does a great job modeling healthy communication in this clip in the show (heads up: spicy language/F-bomb alert!) During a scene in which Nate's character lashes out at Ted, you can see Ted working on using positive communication skills from the beginning. He initially asks "What did I do?", seeking to understand how he might have contributed to the problem. While Nate lashes out at Ted, Ted listens with empathy and even then, Ted takes partial responsibility by apologizing for anything he may have done to contribute to the chaos. When someone comes at you with anger and accusation, how would you rate your communication skills? Are you able to use Ted Lasso-type restraint and skills or do you "let the other person have what's coming to them?" While there is certainly a time for addressing egregious behavior, Ted's way of being in this conversation allows him to stay grounded and regulated and eventually it allows for the restoration of the relationship many episodes later, rather than a complete and final cutting of ties.
What my yoga practice has taught me is that every time I topple out of a pose or lose my balance, it is not a failure but a reminder that my brain and body is adapting to the learning process and that I need to keep practicing. Likewise, when you have a conversation with someone you love that doesn't go well and you find yourself dysregulated or frustrated, let that serve as your REMINDER that it is time to come back to your practice of refining your communication skills and self-compassion techniques. Practicing anything requires that we deliberately carve out time for what truly matters, and to commit to honing the skills that become inherent to who we are.
Where do you need practice? Is there a relationship in your life that would benefit from healthier communications? If you need more encouragement in this area, I'd be so pleased if you reached out.